You Might Be a CHC Alumnus or Alumna If...

...you find yourself arguing with your GRE prep book over an antonym question because you’re sure those Kaplan “experts” got it wrong.

...you’ve ever run one of the following out of your dorm room: departmental majors group, music pirating biz, or the Western Pennsylvania student chapter of Amnesty International.

...you studied abroad in Bangladesh because you wanted to be the first Cook Honors College student to go there.

...you’ve written an essay answer on a multiple-choice test.

...you stumble across old Core journals and wonder how you ever managed to sound that smart after those midnight Papa John specials, 2:00 a.m. Sheetz runs, and all-night D&D tournaments.

...you ever had a pet fish or played on an intramural sports team named after Bob Cook.

...you wrote a glowing review of Asking the Right Questions on Amazon.com.

...you compulsively decorate your apartment with Klimt paintings.

...you know the name of King Arthur’s spear.

...you send Dr. Goebel an e-mail at 4:00 a.m. and expect an instantaneous reply.

...you feel you are entitled to a fifty-dozen batch of pancakes at midnight every time you write a big paper.

...you don’t understand why you have to pay to read the New York Times.

...you ever called your parents at 3:00 a.m. crying because you couldn’t find any fallacies and you are sure it is their fault for passing along some genetic condition that prevents you from finding fallacies.

...you’ve sung all 27,000 verses to “O’ Christmas Tree” in English and German at Dr. Goebel’s Christmas Party.

...your boss asks you to do a presentation and you immediately begin looking for your costume trunk and stage makeup.

...you still have your copy of ARQ, but all the pages are blood and/or tear stained.

...you’re still living the Third South lifestyle.

...you believe every new class has a different personality and the admissions committee only got it right with your class.

...you were disappointed to find that in the real world, nobody can/will edit like your core class could.

...you’ve ever concluded an interoffice memo with “what, therefore, should we do?”

...you have a subconscious urge to put on a coat when you smell burning popcorn.

...you absentmindedly throw dishes in the sink expecting that Betty, Cindy, or Lisa will wash them.

...you’ve ever balanced the need for social order with the need for two red bulls, a pack of newport lights, and a Sheetz dog.

If you have an addition that you would like to see on the You Might Be a CHC Alumnus or Alumna list, please e-mail tfordyce@iup.edu.